PSYCHOLOGY
Men: Strong Independent Women Don’t Make Good Wives
As someone who identifies as a strong, independent woman myself, you can bet that statement also made me pause.
In fact, it made me more than a little angry. The nerve! The audacity!
But after calming down and looking more into it, I realized that perhaps the men who think this way are onto something. Maybe there’s a thing or two that strong, independent women can learn from finding out exactly why some men think they aren’t “wife material”.
Only Husbands Can Be Strong?
This is usually the first thing women ask when men take issue with the idea of female strength. Are they saying only men are allowed to be strong?
If we talk about the physical kind of strength, it’s almost universally acknowledged that men are biologically stronger, at least in terms of muscle mass and sheer power. There may be newer research that tries to contest this idea, but that’s still the average mindset today.
However, that’s not the kind of strength that strong, independent women are referring to. It’s more about strength of character, confidence, and determination.
Strong women are women who know what they want and who will work hard to get what they want. What’s so wrong with that?
Unfortunately, some men think it’s not the best trait for a future wife to have.
Because “strong” can also mean aggressive and angry. In fact, the term “battle-axe” has been attributed to forceful and aggressive women as early as the 20th century, when activist Carrie Nation, or Hatchet Granny, became a popular figure in the temperance movement and the campaign for women’s suffrage.
There is a fear that men who date strong, independent women can end up with battle-axe spouses who try to dominate the marriage. Nagging wife? No thanks.
Independent vs. Unwilling
A similar idea is used for why some men don’t like the idea of dating or marrying women who identify as independent.
I’ve had plenty of guys — both the obnoxious and the well-meaning types — ask me: “If strong, independent women are so strong and independent, how come they still want a man?”
Naturally, my knee-jerk reaction is to tell them that’s a logical fallacy, but some go on to elaborate that a lot of women assert their independence in ways that are so extreme it really is a wonder why they still want to date men.
For example, they’d tell me, there are women who reject any kind of help from a man, or judge other women who date men as betraying feminist ideals.
If independent women don’t want men in their lives, how can they ever make good wives?
What Makes a Good Wife?
If men don’t want to marry strong, independent women, what kind of women do they want to have as wives?
The same thing, actually.
Because I’m pretty sure men will have no trouble marrying real strong, independent women.
Listening to the men I talk to and reading about their common complaints, I realized that most of their issues with women being strong and independent are misconceptions and misinterpretations of the concept.
Strong women aren’t necessarily aggressive. A woman who has strength of character, who is confident in herself, is also capable of being kind and loving. Strong, independent women are capable of taking care of their partners — of being great wives.
In the same vein, being independent does not mean not needing anyone, or not needing men. If a woman insists that she doesn’t need a man in her life, then of course she won’t make a good wife for any man because she’s loath to be with a man. It has nothing to do with her being strong and independent.
Strong, independent women understand that a relationship with men doesn’t make them any less strong or independent.
Strong, independent women are capable of loving and taking care of men.
Real strong, independent women make great wives.
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