PSYCHOLOGY
I Asked My Friends About Their Secret Single Behaviors
If you have odd and maybe slightly embarrassing habits that you only do when your partner is away and no one else is in the house, then congratulations! You belong to the club with secret single behaviors.
This term was coined by Carrie Bradshaw from the hit TV series Sex and the City. It describes things that people who are otherwise in committed relationships do to indulge themselves when they’re alone.
Examples of secret single behaviors are usually varied and deeply personal, with a few exceptions for universal silliness that a lot of people partake in. After all, some guilty pleasures can be extremely relatable.
For this piece, I decided to talk to some of my friends and clients about their own secret single behaviors and why some comfort rituals are better done when the love of your life is not watching.
Eating Takeout and Junk Food All Day
I’ve known Monika since we were teenagers, and she has always been a health nut.
Her husband, Yuri, is an average guy who eats his greens but also appreciates greasy food and the occasional McDonalds. It’s Monika who does the grocery shopping and makes the meal plans for their family. There must be a balanced diet!
Which is why it surprised and delighted me when Monika shared that when Yuri and the kids are out, she usually gorges on pizza and orange chicken, sometimes with potato chips.
It doesn’t matter that she compensates for it with kale smoothie and extra time on the rowing machine the next day. I’m still proud of my friend for allowing herself to experience the finer things in life from time to time.
Playing That Video Game the Wife Thinks Is Too Violent for the Kids
It can’t always be Stardew Valley all the time, can it?
This is what Saul, one of my old clients, told me when he disclosed that video games are some of his biggest secret single behaviors.
Though it’s hardly illicit since his wife Jeanie knows all about it, it still feels like a ritual when he gets the house all to himself and he puts on the games that feature a lot of physical combat and violent stealing of cars.
It may not be appropriate for their very young and very impressionable children, but Saul uses these video games as a way to decompress and shut his mind off. 100% a guilty pleasure.
Trying on Multiple Outfits before Going Grocery Shopping
My colleague Laura’s secret single behaviors often involve clothes.
Before moving in with her now-fiancé, she’d spend her time at home and alone in sweats and baggy clothes. There’s no one to impress, so she didn’t have to dress up and wear makeup.
But now that they’re sharing an apartment, her man often gripes about having to wait hours for her to get ready. Honestly, how long does it take to choose between two coats that are both dark blue, Laura?
So if Mr. Fiancé is out on a business trip and Laura has errands to run, she takes her sweet time trying on a lot of blouses and skirts to find the best outfit.
Someone has to be the most fashionable woman in the cereal aisle, you know?
Sleeping across Both Sides of the Bed
Wanting the bed all to yourself when you’re alone is not a sign that you’re faking your commitment to your partner.
Sometimes, it just means you want to have a good night’s sleep without someone else hogging the covers or (subconsciously) threatening to push you to the floor.
I’d be surprised that most of the people I’ve talked to have this as a common indulgence when they’re alone, but honestly? I do this myself as part of my own secret single behaviors.
Starfishing on the couch or sleeping diagonally doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner as much as you say you do.
It just means that being in a committed relationship shouldn’t rob you of your right to some self-care and a little “me time.”
