LOVERS AND EXES
5 Reasons Why Sleeping with Your Ex Is Still a Bad Idea
Even before Dua Lipa’s song New Rules became a worldwide hit, the idea of sleeping with your ex has already been a controversial and divisive topic.
A lot of people are tempted because it’s both dramatic and exciting. It feels like the kind of illicit fun that those who enjoy a little spice in their love affairs tend to look for. Some even consider it a necessary step before a breakup becomes official (which puts the term “ex” into question, but who are we to argue logic for things like this?).
Yet despite its appeal, Dua Lipa and anyone reasonable can still admit that sleeping with your ex is a bad idea. Or at least, that’s what I thought.
Because lately, I’ve been seeing plenty of articles that try to contest that position. Most of them are even arguing for the “necessary” angle and telling people that they shouldn’t avoid doing something just because there are potential negative consequences. In fact, they say that’s all the more reason to try.
Well, I disagree.
1. It can’t guarantee a second chance.
Sleeping with your ex is not a good way to give each other a second chance.
With how much sex is tied to people’s emotional well-being, chances are it’s only going to make you both lose perspective when you actually try to decide if your relationship is worth another shot.
Sometimes, a breakup means you need to walk away for good, and sleeping with your ex “one last time” just isn’t going to change that.
2. It can’t completely stop you from looking for a rebound relationship.
Many like to argue that if you’re sleeping with your ex, you can minimize the damage to just the two of you. There will be no other casualties if you’re not seeking rebound relationships.
Unfortunately, even that is not a sure thing. Unless a reconciliation is guaranteed or all your issues are automatically resolved, you still can’t say for certain that you won’t use other people to help you move on. You may just end up making two mistakes instead of one.
3. It can’t help you resolve all your unfinished business.
If your breakup left you with plenty of unanswered questions, it’s tempting to go back and get that explanation you’ve been waiting for.
But sleeping with your ex isn’t a magic potion that will give you enlightenment. Even if it clarifies a few things (like whether or not you’re still attracted to each other, or if either of you have already moved on), it won’t solve all your problems. Using sex to deal with them can actually give you more.
4. It can’t “heal” you.
Some breakups hit harder than others, and if you’re looking for something to ease a terrible heartache, let me tell you: sleeping with your ex is not it.
Yes, physical intimacy can be very powerful and can help in terms of forging emotional connections, but if you engage in it with someone tied to a lot of your mental and emotional baggage, then it’s only counterproductive.
5. It can’t automatically help you move on.
No matter what anyone says, you don’t always need closure.
And even if you want one, it shouldn’t depend on you sleeping with your ex. It isn’t a stepping stone that’s required before you can allow yourself to move forward. If you’re not careful, it can even set you several steps back.
If you truly want to grow and learn from the past, the best thing you can do is avoid repeating your mistakes…or doing something you already know will be a mistake.
