MODERN DATING ADVICE
Why Couples Need to Stop ‘Fexting’
If you and your partner have a habit of sending each other angry messages full of complaints and barely concealed accusations, then you’re likely part of the population that has fallen victim to the phenomenon called “fexting.”
A combination of the words “fighting” and “texting,” fexting is not exactly new, or even uncommon. In fact, every form of communication has been used to argue with other people and settle disagreements at one point or another. It’s just human nature.
But after US First Lady Jill Biden popularized the term in an interview for the magazine Harper’s Bazaar last 2022, a lot of people were forced to take a closer look at this behavior and how it relates to their own relationships — as well as some of the major reasons why it can be really harmful for modern couples.
You may say things you don’t really mean.
When you’re fexting, you’re most likely experiencing a lot of strong emotions at the same time: anger, frustration, even impatience. This means you’ll be tempted to type out unfiltered thoughts and comments without pausing to consider your words and how they’ll sound.
Unfortunately, your partner isn’t a telepath, and even if you know each other very well, there’s still a chance that they’ll take your message at face value, including those that are meant to be hurtful.
Though it can be satisfying to cause your partner pain while you’re fighting, you may not feel the same way when you finally run out of steam and have a moment to collect yourself. In fexting, your anger can feel temporary, but if you’re not careful, you can cause damage to your relationship that the delete button can’t easily fix.
It only encourages miscommunication.
Voice and body language can make a huge difference when you’re talking to your partner. They can convey meaning and emotion that simple text just can’t do.
This is why communication is such a struggle for long-distance relationships, since not being able to see up close or sometimes even hear your partner can make it difficult to bond and connect with them.
Aside from letting your angry words be taken literally, fexting can also cause further miscommunication and even make an argument worse for the same reasons.
Because all you have are text messages, it’s easy to take them out of context or misinterpret one meaning for another. You and your partner can even end up having two separate conversations, which makes it all the more difficult to stop the fight and come to a resolution.
Your privacy may be at risk.
Arguing with your partner in public can be embarrassing enough as it is, with other people listening in and passing judgment on things they don’t know anything about.
While that’s not exactly the case when you’re fexting, the privacy afforded to you can still be withdrawn anytime. Remember, most phones are now capable of taking screenshots of text messages. If you make your partner upset enough to keep evidence of the things you say during a fight, you can end up being judged by more than just neighbors and passersby should they choose to share it to their friends — or worse, online.
So the next time you find yourself in an intense fexting match with the person who knows how to push all your buttons, make sure to take a step back and assess the situation first. Think before you click, as it were.
Better yet, make a different habit, this time of waiting before you can talk more properly before you duke it out. If you truly love someone, you’ll make the effort, even if it’s about the best way to have a couple’s argument or a marital spat.
