Reality
How Happy Couples Do It: Questions to Ask Before Marriage
American actor Will Ferrell has a famous quote about getting married:
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”
While it’s a humorous statement that’s expected of a renowned comedian (who likely meant it in jest and not as a literal barometer for successful relationships), it does have some merit.
After all, there are things to do and questions to ask before marriage and other big commitments with someone you’re thinking of spending the rest of your life with.
Being very sure of what you’re signing up for is one of the cornerstones of happy and fulfilling partnerships.
About Your Marriage Expectations
According to an article published in the Journal of Family Psychology about how the transition to marriage affects mental and physical health, couples are encouraged to track their marriage expectations.
This is critical in assessing their ability to acclimate to married life. If there are signs of a decrease in overall well-being prior to marriage, they often point to “impending marital difficulties” that the couple must prepare for.
The following are questions that a couple can discuss about their marriage expectations:
- Are you two going to continue working after you get married?
- If you’re from two different countries, where are you going to settle down?
- What legal documents should you prepare?
- How will you divide household chores if you both have jobs?
- How will you manage your finances?
About How Long to Date Before Marriage
There are also questions to ask before marriage that you need to talk about early on, at least as soon as you both acknowledge that you want to end up together.
If you’re both on the same page about your long-term goals, it’s better to have the same general idea of when you want to get married.
Below are a few questions that can help you discuss this aspect of your relationship:
- How long do you think it takes to get to know someone and be sure you want to marry them?
- Do you have goals you want to achieve before getting married?
- What kind of proposal do you want?
- Do you want your family’s blessing first or do you want to tell them together with your partner?
About Living Together Before Marriage
You should also make the necessary arrangements to really determine if you and your partner are compatible for married life.
Some questions to ask before marriage are about things you must try before you decide to sign up for a lifetime commitment.
- Are you open to living together before getting married?
- What kind of life do you want to share with your spouse? What kind of household do you want to maintain?
- Are your daily routines compatible? Can you work around each other’s schedules and responsibilities?
- Can you live with each other’s food tastes, sleeping habits, and preferences for living arrangements?
- Will you fit in with each other’s families?
About Your Plans for the Future
Lastly, some of the most important things to discuss before marriage are your plans for the future.
Beyond the immediate changes you can expect after tying the knot, you should also discuss what you envision for your relationship decades from now, so you can start preparing as early as possible.
The following are questions you can use as reference:
- Are you going to have children? How many children do you plan to have?
- If you practice different faiths, will one of you have to convert to the other’s religion? What faith will your children practice?
- What career goals do you both have that need to be incorporated into your long-term objectives as a couple?
- What are your retirement plans?
The goal of preparing questions to ask before marriage is to be secure in your decision to spend your lives with each other.
There may be things that you will only discover along the way, but it’s also important to be as prepared as you can for such a monumental commitment.
References
Huntington, Charlie, Scott M. Stanley, Brian D. Doss, and Galena K. Rhoades. 2022. “Happy, healthy, and wedded? How the transition to marriage affects mental and physical health.” Journal of Family Psychology 36, no. 4 (June). https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8888778/.
