On Love Languages and Treating Your Partner Right
There are plenty of factors that determine whether a relationship lasts or not. These days, it’s not uncommon to hear or read dating tips that talk about healthy communication, emotional vulnerability, and even compatible love languages.
It’s one thing to tack a few buzzwords and theories on any relationship advice to sound like an expert on what makes or breaks a couple. It’s entirely another to know exactly what a man or a woman needs to be a good partner and ensure a stable, loving relationship.
Sometimes, the reason why couples fail to stay for the long haul doesn’t even have anything to do with who they are or what they bring to the table. Breakups can happen because of things that neither party can control. Examples include family members not giving their blessing, changes in a career affecting major plans, or one partner simply falling out of love.
Sometimes, the reasons for the ups and downs of a relationship involve internal factors that a couple can look into and analyze. They can be about what they’re failing to prioritize or what kind of lover they are. These reasons have a lot to do with what a couple can change — for better or for worse.
What Are Love Languages?
The manner in which a person chooses to give and receive love is called a love language.
Just as there are plenty of differences between people’s preference in food, music, or clothing, the way we convey our emotions also vary. Some are more comfortable with communicating their feelings by talking about them, while others may find it easier to show than tell.
Love languages are often discussed through the five most common examples: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gift giving, and acts of service.
Words of affirmation refer to verbal expressions of love and affection for a person. When you compliment someone or remind them of their good qualities, you are making use of this type of love language. This is more commonly done by people who have no qualms about speaking things into existence, and it is best appreciated by those who need to be vocally reassured that there are people who enjoy their presence and company.
The second example is also a widely known way of showing love: physical touch. This love language includes bear hugs, pats on the back, and other more intimate physical acts that couples relish in the privacy of their home. People who are more tactile tend to communicate their feelings through this manner.
For those who prefer their partner’s undivided attention and who take great pleasure in doing activities with someone they cherish, quality time may be the best love language. Sitting next to your lover, basking in their presence even as you don’t talk or do much of anything, can be a really good way of reaffirming positive emotions.
The next love language, gift giving, is a pretty tangible way of expressing love and affection. Everyone enjoys a present that was bought or made with them in mind, and it’s even more valuable when they know that a lot of effort was put into preparing the gift that was given to them. The material things you can give your partner don’t necessarily have to be expensive or complicated. What’s important is the thought put into being able to show them your love through something they can hold and treasure.
Acts of service, the last example, involve what is arguably one of the hardest love languages to perform and maintain. This is because communicating love through this way requires a certain kind of selflessness. You and your partner must be willing to do things that may be hard or time consuming or even take you out of your comfort zone for the sake of the other’s benefit. The goal of any act of service is to make things easier for the one you love, something that often needs different kinds of sacrifices.
How Do Love Languages Affect a Relationship?
Good communication is a vital part of a good relationship.
One of the many things that couples need to communicate to one another is how they prefer to express their love and in what way they want to receive that love in return. This is where love languages come in. The good thing about this aspect of a relationship? Most of the factors that play into it are entirely between the people in that relationship.
In order to better understand love languages and what role they play in a couple’s dynamic, it’s important to first determine what someone’s love languages are.
Knowing how you express your love allows your partner to identify moments when you are actively choosing to show your love and affection for them. Not only will they be able to better appreciate what you’re saying and all the things you’re doing, but there is also a distinct kind of joy in seeing that all your efforts are being received as exactly what they are meant for.
Being a responsible lover also extends to recognizing your own needs and addressing them in a healthy and effective way. If you already know the best ways for you to feel valued and cherished, then it makes it easier for your partner to accommodate your needs and demonstrate their willingness to make you feel good not just about yourself but about your place in your relationship as well.
Do Couples Need to Have Identical Love Languages?
Often, people blame the end of a relationship on the couple having different love languages. When one wants to give and receive love a certain way but the other prefers another method altogether, it can be tricky to continue the relationship.
There is some truth to that, because when you don’t have similar ways of expressing and enjoying affection, it will take greater effort to maintain the love that serves as the foundation of a couple’s romance. When you need to exert more effort, there’s a higher chance of not being able to live up to the expectations of your lover.
However, partners are not at all required to have the same or even similar love languages. It all comes down to compatibility, and it’s something couples can work on if they really want to make things work.
Contrary to popular belief, compatibility does not rely on a magic formula that is exclusive to soulmates alone. It takes determination and a desire to achieve your goals, things that ultimately serve as the bedrock of a relationship that’s truly for keeps.
The key? Balance.
Once you’ve determined your love languages and that of your partner, find out how you can integrate these things into your daily lives. Put it into writing if you have to. This will help you as a couple come up with the best time and place to consistently make each other feel loved.
If there are certain ways of expressing affection that don’t come naturally to you, then you can teach yourself how to adapt and grow in order to be a better lover. If some acts make you feel awkward or even uncomfortable, you can improve your communication with your partner by conveying these hardships to them as best you can.
It’s true that having identical love languages makes things easier, and accommodating your partner’s needs that are different from yours can be very difficult. But if the love is true, then it’s always going to be worth a little trouble.
