PSYCHOLOGY & REALITIES
Understanding Jealousy in a Relationship
Jealousy is an emotion that makes us all a little bit uncomfortable, but it is very common in relationships. It’s a complex emotion that ranges from a fleeting feeling of insecurity to an all-consuming obsession that wreaks havoc in our love lives.
While a little bit of jealousy is a sign of passion and commitment, it can quickly spiral out of control and become a toxic force that damages the trust and intimacy in our relationships.
In this article, we’ll discuss the root causes of jealousy, the effects it can have on our mental and emotional well-being, and the strategies we can use to overcome it and build stronger, healthier relationships.
So whether you’re currently struggling with feelings of jealousy in your relationship or you simply want to learn more about this emotion, you’ve come to the right place.
Let’s explore the fascinating and often challenging world of jealousy in relationships together.
Why Do We Feel Jealous?
Even the most confident person can experience jealousy every once in a while. We can’t help it. It’s a common, even normal, human emotion, and we can feel it especially in romantic relationships.
Jealousy in a relationship can stem from a variety of sources. It could be from a lack of trust, a fear of abandonment, or just plain old insecurity.
Let’s delve into this deeper.
Lack of trust
One of the most common causes of jealousy is a lack of trust in your partner. When you don’t feel totally secure in your connection with them, it’s easy for doubts and suspicions to start creeping in.
You might start second-guessing their actions or motives, wondering if they’re being totally honest with you, or if they’re hiding something from you.
The thing is, this lack of trust could be caused by a whole bunch of different reasons. Maybe you’ve been burned in the past and that pain and betrayal have left you hesitant to really put yourself out there again.
It could also be that you’ve been through certain experiences in your current relationship that have made you question your partner’s honesty or loyalty.
Fear of abandonment
Jealousy in a relationship is most often an indication of fear of abandonment.
If you’ve ever experienced this fear, you know how scary it can be. You might be constantly worried that your partner will leave you, or that they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are.
You may feel this way because you’re going through a tough time right now, and you’re worried that your partner won’t be able to handle it. These kinds of doubts allow for feelings of jealousy and possessiveness to show.
You may have also never felt like you had a strong support system in your life, and that’s caused you to be extra sensitive to the possibility of being left alone.
Insecurity
Insecurity is another major cause of jealousy in a relationship, and it can ruin the bond you have with your partner.
You may feel insecure because someone or something has shaken your self-confidence, or you’ve had someone in the past who was really critical of you.
As a result, your low self-esteem will make you feel like your partner doesn’t truly love and value you.
Negative Effects of Jealousy in a Relationship
Is jealousy a red flag?
No, but there’s a difference between rational jealousy versus excessive jealousy. The former is normal and acceptable, but the latter may or may not have any apparent cause and can actually have some grave negative effects.
Here are some of those effects.
It can cause a lot of tension in the relationship
You’ve probably seen in the movies how couples break up because of jealousy.
They’re constantly arguing because of suspicions and accusations, until they would have no other choice but to leave the relationship for good.
This can also be true in reality. You may become increasingly anxious and controlling, causing your partner to feel suffocated and resentful.
Consequently, the two of you will end up fighting because you feel unheard or misunderstood, while your partner might feel attacked or even wrongfully accused.
It can lead to controlling behavior
Extreme jealousy often leads to controlling behavior.
For instance, if you’re overly jealous, you may try to dictate who your significant other can spend time with, where they can go, and even what they can wear.
This will create a very toxic and unhealthy dynamic. They will feel like they are constantly being monitored and restricted.
In some cases, this type of controlling behavior can even escalate into emotional or physical abuse — something that should never be ignored or swept under the rug.
It can damage your self-esteem
Jealousy is a confidence killer. You will feel like you’re not measuring up and you’ll always be worrying that your partner will leave you for someone else. In short, you won’t feel secure at all.
It doesn’t end there. Your partner will be affected too. They will feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells around you. They will doubt themselves and wonder if they’re doing something wrong.
It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you’re constantly being scrutinized and criticized by someone.
Dealing with Jealousy
Overcoming jealousy isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. Just remember to follow these pieces of advice:
Communicate with your partner
As simple as that, although we know that that’s easier said than done. If you truly want to overcome jealousy, try your best to tell your partner how you feel in a calm and non-accusatory way.
Practice self-awareness
Stop telling yourself, “Don’t be jealous,” or other things that will stop you from feeling what you feel.
Acknowledge that you feel that way and know the cause of it. Are you feeling insecure? Are you afraid of losing your partner?
By understanding the root of your jealousy in a relationship, you can start to work on addressing those underlying issues.
Build trust
Trust can make or break a relationship. So to establish trust, make sure that you and your partner are open and honest with each other.
And more importantly, be consistent in your behavior to show dependability and reliability.
Address It Now
Although jealousy is just like any other human emotion we feel, it can quickly turn toxic when left unchecked.
So if you feel that it is becoming more than just a passing feeling, address it right away and don’t wait for things to escalate further.
Remember, you don’t want to ruin everything because of this simple yet powerful emotion.
