Three Misconceptions about Hookup Culture
Let’s face it: gone are the days when people spend most of their lives waiting for The One.
Those who call themselves “modern” men and women now enter the dating scene with all kinds of agendas in mind. From pleasure to fun to love-but-not-necessarily-the-white-picket-fence-variety, there’s definitely been an uptick in casual dating and one-night stands over the years.
Hence, the birth of “hookup culture.”
As a professional matchmaker, I’ve heard just about every concern people have for the future of love and romance now that so many people seem to no longer be as concerned about commitment as they used to be.
“Is sex all that matters?” some would ask me.
“How will I find my soulmate now?” others can’t help but wonder.
On more than one occasion, people would cry out loud: “Is true love dead?”
They’re all valid concerns, of course. Hookup culture, or the practice of engaging in short-lived sexual encounters without the expectation of a long-term relationship, can be overwhelming for old-school dreamers who might be looking for a more-traditional kind of love.
But before anyone else can drive themselves into a downward spiral of anxiety over such a nebulous concept, I’d like for us to examine three things I consider to be misleading beliefs when it comes to this widespread phenomenon.
1. Someone Who Wants Sex Is Not Interested in Love
If this were true, then I’m pretty sure the entire world would be either one big club of sex-crazed animals with no emotional attachments whatsoever, or a commune of celibate, hopeless romantics in serious danger of extinction.
Sex and love are definitely not mutually exclusive, and someone who likes seeking pleasure in physical intimacies is still very much capable of loving someone — mushy, sentimental feelings and all.
2. A Hookup Is Just for Fun, Not for Keeps
I can tell you right now that many of my clients have found their partners through casual dating. Just because it starts as fun and with no strings attached doesn’t mean it can’t turn into something more meaningful in the future.
In fact, the advantage of meeting people in a relatively low-stakes set up is that it eliminates a lot of barriers that other people usually have when they approach dating with a more serious goal in mind.
Yes, you can casually date and leave it at that, but who knows? One encounter might turn out to be a little more special than the others.
3. True Love Is Not a Game
Well. I guess this last one is less a misconception and more a motto frequently used against hookup culture.
Most folks tend to believe that dating is some kind of a battle between romanticists and realists. In relation to hookup culture, those who aren’t fond of the idea might say that if someone is truly looking for the love of their life, they’ll skip the casual flings and go straight to the epic search for their One True Soulmate — the person they’ll take to the altar and build that house with the white picket fence with.
Unfortunately, this invalidates not just those who found love through casual dating but also those who really believe that despite the shortness of the encounter, there is still magic in spending even just a few hours in good company.
It may not be the forever type of romance people tell their grandkids stories about, but isn’t passion and intimacy just different facets of love?
