TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
How to End “Spider-Webbing” and Other Toxic Relationships
Dating trends come and go, yet they often reflect realities about love and relationships that have been around for many years and will continue to be relevant for many more — unless we put a stop to them.
Spider-webbing is one such trend that I’m sure we definitely don’t want to tolerate, much less promote.
A Web of Lies and Manipulation
When you talk about trends today, it usually means things that suddenly got popular, especially online.
But unlike trends that came out of nowhere or had been completely foreign to the public before they rose to fame, spider-webbing is certainly not new. In fact, it just seems to be the name given to the combination of behaviors common to what we love to call “toxic relationships.”
It uses a spider web as a metaphor because that’s what someone who deals in this sort of thing does: spinning a web of lies and manipulation tactics in order to trap their partner in an unhealthy and abusive dynamic.
Spider-webbing contains elements taken from other dating trends of the past, like encouraging self-doubt or gaslighting and excessive attention or flattery common in love bombing.
It’s the mother of all toxic behaviors in dating, and apparently, it’s currently a pressing issue.
Imperfect vs Toxic
In all my years as a relationship consultant, I’ve seen the birth and eventually end of many buzzwords and catchphrases. People love jumping on the bandwagon every chance they get, after all.
But the term “toxic relationship” is still being used today, and unfortunately, its popularity also contributed to its loss of meaning.
A toxic relationship, like one where a partner implements spider-webbing, is a serious problem. It involves physical, emotional, or even mental abuse disguised as love and affection. It requires deliberate actions.
But more than often, we also confuse the same concept for relationships that are simply imperfect, which all kinds of relationships are, in the end. And this is where the danger comes in.
When a partner makes mistakes, when they hurt the person they love because they don’t quite know how to do certain things right, that is just a relationship being imperfect.
When someone gets mad during an argument or causes a misunderstanding that gets blown out of proportion, that is just lovers being imperfect.
But when one person in the relationship spends time intentionally influencing their partner to do their bidding, when they cultivate power imbalance or codependency, that is toxic.
Whether it’s spider-webbing or other more-specific kinds of toxic dating trends, understanding what they truly mean is important if we really want to put an end to them.
Unweaving the Web
It’s only when you can correctly identify real toxic relationships that you will be able to end it.
For most of them, you can start by keeping in mind these key things:
- Everyone should be loved and respected, and you don’t have to do anything to “deserve” it.
- You can end a relationship when you’re no longer happy or satisfied. You don’t need to justify yourself and you don’t always need closure.
- Pain doesn’t make love strong. Most of the time, it only makes lovers suffer.
- Healthy and loving relationships require equal partnerships.
It won’t be easy, especially in cases like spider-webbing, where separating the manipulation and abuse from the entire relationship is nearly impossible, but it can be done. It should be done.
Many dating trends don’t last long and are only as relevant as the attention span of the public.
But there are also others that persist, aided by misconceptions and good intentions gone wrong. Toxic relationships have rebranded themselves a million times over, and spider-webbing is just another example.
If we start doing things right, it can be the last.
