Dating 101: The Theory of Playing Hard to Get

In the world of speed dating, suitors tend to spend more time chasing people who are more challenging to win over.

Otherwise, one may seem too desperate or clingy if they’re easy to get, and as a result have lesser likability.

What does it mean?

According to research, people gravitate towards those who are hard to get.

It’s a notion that people are more attracted to someone who seems difficult to attract or impress, a phenomenon widely held across diverse cultures and endorsed by sources ranging from Socrates to Ovid to the Kama Sutra.

Playing hard to get is about being selective while creating an interesting first impression. This also helps test those who are serious about pursuing you or if they simply want a one-night stand.

If you look at how people play hard to get in real life, you’ll notice that they try to be mysterious.

In this case, they seem to be uninterested and busy. They might also act flirty at first, but then become aloof or non-responsive afterward.

This strategy has been common to attract potential romantic interests in the dating scene.

We’ve all read countless articles about the importance of dating someone who is “hard to get.” But not much exists on how to do it.

Well, let me tell you.

How do I implement it?

• Be confident.

Confidence is sexy. If you walk around with confidence, you’ll attract more attention compared to when you act shy and uncertain. Being confident is easier said than done, but once you get comfortable with yourself, you’ll realize that everything else will fall into place.

• Take care of yourself.

Your looks say a lot about you. Have clean fingernails and teeth. Keep your hair neat. Avoid having bad breath. Wear clothes that make you look good. Stay away from smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, and eating junk foods. Despite the obvious, these are essential in having a well-kept appearance.

• Always leave an impression.

Whether it’s at work, school, or anywhere else, make it a point to leave a lasting impression. Be polite, kind, helpful, and presentable. But try to limit your availability to increase demand.

• Go for quality over quantity.

Most people don’t want to date a lot of potential partners at once. That’s why it’s so important to choose the right person and invest time in finding them instead of wasting your efforts on those whose goals don’t align with yours. Quality matters more than quantity.

Is it effective?

Yes. And it’s been backed up by science.

In several studies, psychologists found that people tend to be attracted to those who didn’t like them at first and whose affection they had to earn.

One case study found that women are drawn toward men with uncertain romantic feelings or those who tend to flirt but seem hard to reach. As a result, they exert more mental energy on the possibilities of interests.

While playing hard to get may grab someone’s attention at first, know that it’s limited, as it usually lasts for just a few weeks. Others may eventually feel disheartened by the fear of rejection.

Some findings have also shown that most people prefer those who are easy to get if they’re only looking for a casual date. But devoted partners desire those who are looking for a serious relationship.

Suffice to say, this strategy works best at the start of the dating stage. Afterward, you must learn how to reciprocate someone’s romantic feelings if you want to make it last.

The theory of being hard to get is powerful in maximizing your desirability and demand when done correctly and in a balanced manner.