Cushioning: A Horrifying Dating Trend to Skirt
If there’s one advantage to online dating, it’s that you can chat up as many people as you like.
But you have to know that the more people you message, the more chances you’re going to either get rejected or unnoticed.
On the other hand, you’re playing the numbers game. The more you play, the more chances of winning. Sadly, people are adopting this philosophy and turning it into the newest online dating trend: cushioning.
Cushioning refers to chatting with several people simultaneously while dating someone else to soften the blows of potential breakups. Think of it as a safety net or a backup plan: if you get dumped or heartbroken, you’ll at least have someone (or, in some cases, a few people) to fall back on.
Does it sound like a bad idea? For folks who want secure and stable relationships, the answer is yes. Here’s what dating coach Tennesha Wood thinks about it in a Refinery29 piece:
You’re not necessarily physically cheating, but you are engaging in a behavior with a potential romantic interest that you’re probably not telling your partner about.
The Signs of Cushioning Someone
How can you tell if you yourself are the object of cushioning? Let these signs point the way:
Their interest is inconsistent
One day, they’re down to hang out and make plans. 24 hours later, they don’t even bother to text you. Between the two of you, it seems like you’re the only one putting in effort in making things work.
Have you ticked all three of those boxes? If so, trouble may be brewing in paradise! This hot-and-cold pattern generates confusion, which is never a good thing in a blooming relationship. They don’t need to be with you 24/7, but it’s pretty telling if their energy toward your arrangement is shifty.
Why the inconsistency, you ask? Perhaps it’s because they have other people to jump onto. To them, there’s no point in defining your arrangement when there’s someone else (or more) in the pipeline.
They keep you in the dark about some plans
Your date doesn’t need to give every minute detail about their day. However, it’s another story if they keep their lips sealed around you. They won’t let you peep at their phone’s screen, and they don’t say a word about the people in their lives.
Some mystery is great for relationships, but don’t be with someone who keeps hiding everything from you. Nobody has time for dishonest partners!
Your instincts are screaming
If the tiny voice inside you tells you something’s off, you may want to heed their warning. More often than not, your gut saves you from sticky situations. It’s better to be safe than sorry, people!
The aftermath of finding out you’re a cushion can end in various ways. You can either confront and ask for an explanation, walk away and end things, or keep mum and move along. That decision lies with you. Should they get defensive about their behavior, maybe it’s best to head for the nearest exit.
Do you find yourself cushioning someone right now? If so, I highly recommend stopping it. There’s a reason it’s on the list for most cruel dating trends. Don’t string the poor soul along just because you can’t set the record straight! It’s hard, but take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself why you’re doing it. Use the takeaways from your reflection and work on yourself first before you enter into someone else’s life.
