ADVICE
Why Couples Are Living Apart Together and If You Should Too
I recently came across a question on Quora where someone wanted to confirm if it was normal for their partner to not want to live together.
Now, I know for some this is considered a red flag and deserves nothing less than an immediate breakup. If you truly love someone, shouldn’t cohabitation be your main goal?
But for couples who practice living apart together, it may not always be that simple.
What Is Living Apart Together (LAT) and Who’s Doing It?
The LAT lifestyle, or the practice of living apart together, refers to couples being in an exclusive relationship while living separately.
Before the term got popularized, this arrangement was often useful for those who simply can’t afford to be in the same place. The most common reasons include being in a long-distance relationship or not having the financial capacity to move in together just yet.
Lately, however, this setup is being utilized by couples who choose it not out of necessity but of preference.
LAT seems to suit those who wish to maintain their independence even when they’re in a committed relationship. They put a lot of faith in the concept of distance making the heart grow fonder and see living apart together as a way to avoid familiarity breeding into contempt, something a lot of marriages are often at risk of.
But won’t this kind of lifestyle defeat the purpose of having a partner to spend the rest of your life with?
Pros and Cons of Living Apart Together
It’s not for everyone. That’s something couples who use this arrangement often tell people.
Which is why it’s important to understand the advantages and disadvantages before you consider the LAT setup for you and your partner.
Pro: You can keep your independence.
Arguably the most common appeal of living apart together is the ability to maintain independence even when you’re in a relationship.
You don’t have to share your bed every night with someone who will hog the covers, or tailor your schedule to fit your partner’s because they work odd hours. Even though you still have to communicate and see each other from time to time, your daily routine is entirely up to you.
Con: You can have more expenses.
Choosing to keep two different living spaces can be more costly than just staying together.
You and your partner will have separate bills to pay, different grocery budgets, and if you don’t own your place, double the rent to keep up with.
Pro: You can have an easier adjustment period.
If you aren’t under any pressure to uproot your lives and cohabit right away, the adjustment period when you get together can be much easier.
Your lifestyles won’t drastically change, as in the case of partners who live in different countries and practice incompatible culture and traditions.
Living apart together may not be your permanent arrangement, but having it as a viable option can help your relationship take off more smoothly.
Con: You may set yourself up to fail.
Jumping right into the LAT arrangement for the wrong reasons can doom your relationship before it even starts.
Based on logistics alone, it’s harder to spend quality time together if you’re not under the same roof. So if you immediately suggest living separately even when you’re not sure it’s for the best, you may sabotage your entire future.
Remember, the decision to try this arrangement shouldn’t be made impulsively. You and your partner need to examine your motivations first.
After all, how can you expect to be life partners if you can’t share a home together?
