PSYCHOLOGY
Can Men and Women Be Friends: An Age-Old Question
It’s something that continues to start debates among those with even the slightest interest in romance: can men and women be friends?
More specifically, can they really be just friends, without feelings or physical attraction getting in the way? Can a man and a woman have a strong friendship without one falling in love with the other?
Some would say yes, while others would insist that it’s just not possible.
When Harry Met Sally
If you make a list of romantic comedies that tackle the gender divide that is pervasive in dating, Nora Ephron’s When Harry Met Sally will probably appear somewhere at the top.
In many ways, the characters played by Hollywood A-listers Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan epitomized the question of can men and women be friends. According to Crystal’s Harry, it’s impossible because “the sex part gets in the way”. Since Harry and Sally eventually sleep with each other and end up together, the movie seems to validate Harry’s point of view.
But not everybody gets to be lead characters in a classic love story. Sometimes, an ordinary man and an ordinary woman meet and strike up a friendship, and they want to know if it’s possible to keep what they have purely platonic.
My answer? Absolutely. It’s very much possible, and the key is in the intent of the people involved.
The Line Between Feelings and Actions
The main argument people have against the idea of a man and a woman staying friends is the inevitability of attraction.
Our question now becomes, “Can men and women be friends if they are attracted to one another?”. Most of the time, the answer is a resounding No.
I beg to disagree.
Can men and women be friends? Yes, they can. And yes, even if they’re attracted to each other or if they’ve slept together in the past.
Friendship already entails a strong emotional connection. In a way, it’s another kind of attraction. If a man and a woman wish to stay friends instead of being in a relationship, that is their choice.
Just because there are feelings or history involved, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to take your relationship to the next level. A romantic relationship is a different kind of commitment, one that people shouldn’t enter into just because it seems like the next logical step.
Truth as a Straight Arrow
In the movie When Harry Met Sally, the pivotal moment came when Harry and Sally finally told each other how they really felt and chose to be together.
If more people approached dating and relationships the same way, I believe things can be much easier and less intimidating. You can eliminate the ‘Will They, Won’t They’ stage because everyone knows what they want from each other.
So the next time you spend quality time with someone dear to you who happens to be of the opposite sex, make sure you both know if it’s just you hanging out or if you want it to be your first date.
Can men and women be friends? Yes, if that is their choice, the same way that choosing to be in a relationship with someone you love is a choice.
